Coffee and Chili and Brownies OH MY
by redjagglerock
Summary: A simple little potluck turns into a fiasco! One-shot


Coffee, and Chili, and Brownies OH MY

A/N: So, I was watching War Stories last night and this wouldn't get out of my head. Anyone who has ever been pregnant can appreciate this! Please leave a review if you have a chance and let me know what you think. Not beta'ed, All mistakes are mine!

_Disclaimer: No monetary gain will be made from this story. JAG and its characters are owned by Paramount Productions, CBS, and Donald P. Bellisario._

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Mac arrived to JAG early Monday morning in search of a nice warm cup of Marine sludge. She didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night, but she wasn't sure what the cause was. She still felt bad that Bud had almost been thrown off a case for no reason other than their client was a first-class jerk. Thankfully, he had seen the error in his ways and apologized. Maybe it was because her and Harm were slightly at odds again, but they would move past it. Perhaps, it was because Brumby felt the need to shower her with attention. Who knows?

As she pondered all these items, she poured herself a piping hot cup, brought the cup to her lips, and was ready to indulge in the savory liquid as it slid down her throat. 'YUCK!' She spit the stuff immediately out in the sink. She thought to herself, 'Tiner must have made the coffee this morning. I have yet to meet a Squid that isn't a former Seal that knows how to make a decent cup of coffee! I wonder where the admiral is?' She yanked the coffee pot off the burner and dumped its entire contents down the sink. She pulled out all the contents to make a proper pot of coffee and set it to brew.

While it was percolating, she went to her office to retrieve the batch of cookies she made. The Admiral had remarked that there should be some "goodies" in the kitchen. Harriet had organized everyone to divvy up who would bring what, and they had unanimously decided today would be the first day to bring items in.

She was thankful that Harm hadn't arrived yet as she grabbed a few cookies for her morning meal. He would undoubtedly chastise her for her choice in breakfast items. She rationalized to herself that it contained oatmeal, so therefore it wasn't that bad! The added chocolate chips were just the icing on the cake. It wasn't her fault that she arrived so early that no suitable breakfast items were available yet.

She leans against the counter, allowing the aroma of a rich, dark brew fill her nostrils. Commander Mattoni walks in with a load of bagels and various cream cheeses and mumbles, "Good Morning, Colonel."

Mac smiles back. "Good morning Mattoni, thank you so much for these. It will save me from being embarrassed if Harm catches me…."

The handsome, tall Naval Commander walks in with a plate of guacamole and chips, "If Harm catches you doing what?"

Mac recovers quickly, "Making this tremendous pot of coffee."

Harm reaches over her to pull down three mugs and pours a cup for each of them. He takes a sip and exclaims, "Good God Mac! I think battery acid would taste better than this!"

Mac smiles up at him, "Wimp!"

Mattoni chuckles from the inside of the fridge, where he is digging out flavored creamer. He silently agrees with Harm, that coffee is beyond horrible!

Mac finishes slathering her bagel and laughs at the both of them, "I've got a motion to finish before court this morning, so I will see you boys later. Don't throw my coffee out!"

Harm looks at Mattoni, "I think we need to convince the Admiral to procure another coffee machine. One that has a burner for multiple pots. We can label one 'Marine Grade' and the other 'Squid Stuff'. I don't think there is enough cream and sugar to make this stuff taste good." Ever since their old machine, that Harriet hurt herself while trying move, had broke they were down to only 1 burner.

Bud and Harriet come in with their arms loaded full of various food items. "Good morning, Sirs."

Mattoni nods in greeting. Harm reaches over to relieve Harriet of some of her burdens, "Good morning, Bud, Harriet. You guys have a lot of stuff here. Be careful with the coffee."

Harriet puts the pasta salad and another container in the fridge, places the brownies on the counter, and reaches around Bud to set the crockpot he was carrying to simmer.

Bud grimaces, "Did the Colonel make it again, Sir?"

Harm scowls, "She sure did, and I am ordering you to dump it as soon as I pour another cup to take to her."

Bud shares a worried glance with Harriet. He does not want to bear the wrath of the Colonel later. Harriet giggles, "Don't look at me, I'm drinking tea."

Bud stammers, "But, sir…"

Mattoni laughs at Bud's predicament, "An order is an order Lieutenant."

Bud reluctantly sighs, "Aye, Aye, Sir."

Petty Officer Tiner walks in and tells everyone that the Admiral has been delayed at the Pentagon, so the staff meeting will be this afternoon after court adjourns for the day.

Everyone leaves the breakroom, ready to start their day. Harm stops by Mac's office and knocks on the door.

Mac responds with a cheerful, "Enter."

Harm walks in and tells her, "I brought you a fresh cup of the disgusting stuff you have the audacity to call coffee. Tiner told us the Admiral is running late so we won't have staff call until after court today."

She smiles, "Thanks. I guess I will see you in court then."

Harm turns to leave and winks, "Oh by the way, I ordered Bud to dump the rest of the pot, so look forward to something a little more palatable later!"

Mac shakes her head, and throws a wadded-up piece of paper at him, "Get out!"

Harm ducks her attack, shuts her door, and saunters away, whistling "Anchors Aweigh."

Oh, she was so going to kick his ass in court today and wipe that smirk off his cocky flyboy face!

The Admiral returns to the office just before lunch. He got stuck in meetings with far too many brass this morning, including one irate SecNav. Rabb really ruffled his feathers over the NATO Case, and the Admiral had to calm him down. He wasn't letting any of his people take the flak because of a "friend" of the SecNav. As he left the Pentagon, he walks out into another day of pouring rain. By the time he arrives, he is chilled straight to the bone and starving. He will have Tiner order him some lunch when he gets back in his officer. He hands Tiner his cover and briefcase and makes a beeline for the breakroom.

He takes one look at the enormous spread and mumbles, "Bless you, Ensign Sims." He grabs a cup of coffee to help take the edge off of his chill. He takes one sip and spits it out in the sink. His immediate warmth will have to be found within other means. He bellows, "Tiner, what idiot made coffee? This stuff tastes like watered down piss!"

Tiner rushes in, "I'm sorry, that would be me Sir." He suggests, "Why don't you get some lunch and I will make a stronger pot and bring you a cup when it is ready."

The Admiral grumbles, "Fine, but it better taste a whole lot better than this crap!" He proceeds to get a very large bowl of chili, a small sandwich, a little pasta salad, some chips and guacamole, and a couple of brownies for dessert. He walks out of the breakroom with half a sandwich in his mouth, intending to thank Harriet on the way back to his office, but she isn't at her desk.

A few minutes later, there is a knock on his door. He grouches, "Enter."

Tiner walks in with a freshly made cup of piping hot coffee. Just the smell of it brings a smile to the Admiral's face. He sputters, "My apologies, Admiral. I will work on making it stronger."

The Admiral takes a sip and relents, "This is much better. However, there is obviously a significant difference of opinion in coffee tastes in this office. Please requisition a new coffee maker with spots for at least two pots. Dismissed!"

The Admiral finishes his lunch and decides to treat himself to a little dessert. Harriet makes fantastic brownies. He will just have to suffer through running an extra mile to keep the calories off his mid-section. He takes a small sample, and immediately notices something different. He thinks to himself, 'Maybe she tried a new recipe.' He takes a larger bite and ends up with a mouth full of chocolate and kidney beans. He ejects the contents of his mouth into a nearby napkin and sputters, "Good Lord, that was disgusting!" He reaches into his desk drawer to pull out some mouthwash in an attempt to get the nasty taste of out his mouth. He presses the intercom button, "Tiner, could you please ask Ensign Sims to come to my office please?"

Tiner replies, "Yes, Sir."

Harriet arrives at the Admirals' door thinking he will be pleased with all of her efforts. She walks up to his desk and stand at attention, "You wanted to see me, Sir?"

The Admiral walks around his desk and perches on the corner, "At ease, Ensign. First, let me say that I appreciate your thoughtfulness in organizing the little potluck."

Harriet smiles, "Oh you are quite welcome, Sir. It was my pleasure."

The Admiral holds up his hand in effort to stop her rambling. He quietly asks, "Ensign, when I suggested chili and brownies, do you think I meant for those two things to be combined?"

Harriet drops her jaw and starts to tear up, suddenly realizing where this conversation is heading, "Oh my Gosh! I'm very sorry Sir. I had a small container in the back of the fridge of those for just me and someone must have set them out when the first batch was gone. I certainly didn't mean for anyone else to eat them."

The Admiral sighs. He has yet to figure out how to deal with all of her hormones. His voice takes on a fatherly tone, "It's ok, Harriet. Just please try to keep your odd cravings out of the office in the future."

Harriet whispers, "Understood, Sir. Again, my sincerest apologies."

The Admiral announces, "Dismissed."

Harriet walks out of the office with tears still in her eyes and Bud comes up to her, "Honey, what's wrong?"

She sniffles, "Oh Bud, the Admiral ended up with some of MY Brownies."

Bud's eyebrows raise to his hairline, "You mean the ones with the kidney beans in them?"

She mutters so quietly that he almost doesn't hear her, "Yes."

Bud gently wraps an arm around her shoulder, "Oh no, what did he say?"

Harriet mumbles, "Just that in the future, I need to learn to curb my cravings in the office."

Bud gives her a light hug, "That's not too bad, it could have been much worse. It will be ok, Honey."

She gives him a small smile, "I know, I'm just so embarrassed."

Bud chuckles, "I'm sure he has eaten worse."

Harriet's face lights up, glad that her husband was able to cheer her up. "You are probably right. Now let's get back to work before I end up in more trouble."

The rest of the afternoon carries on with the normal hustle and bustle of JAG Ops with no one the wiser to the little breakroom fiasco.

The staff meeting is convened with the Senior staff where the Admiral dispenses new cases and gives a brief overview of his morning meetings.

Everyone adjourns from the staff meeting and goes to the break room in search of an afternoon pick me up. They are surprised to see all of the counters are empty and sparkling clean. There were various signs throughout the room that state, "By Order of the Judge Advocate General, NO Home-Cooked Items will be left out for public consumption until after Ensign Sims gives birth!" In smaller letters underneath it said, "Store Bought Items Are Acceptable".

The END


End file.
